What She's Doing Now

He is Molding Me

2011-12-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

I have news, but I cannot share it on this blog. To keep things neutral I have created a new blog that will keep things peaceful. click here

Peace and Blessings,
Lacey

The Life of a Poor College Graduate

2011-11-19T19:00:00.001-08:00

So I have been subbing a lot lately in the Birdville ISD! Next friday I will see how much. (payday)
I start subbing in HEB in a week! And I am still working at the dance store.
God has blessed me with some amazing opportunities that I will write about once I tell all my family (it's a big deal)!!!
Hopefully I'll update next week with the news :)

JAY-OHH-BEE

2011-09-14T09:59:00.000-07:00

As the summer ended so did my job.
The job that I loved! The one I complained about, but still enjoyed the majority of every second.
That one with the 3 kids that drained my energy week after week.
Yeah, that Nanny one.
Well, the children went to school and I went on panic mode.

The first week of unemployment was fine. It was like a vacation, plus the parents were coming into town for a day and then we drove the sister to college, so it was no big deal having that week off. The second week I was bored out of my mind! I had cleaned everything, watched the DVR, read books, did laundry, painted, donated blood, worked out, and watched 5 complete seasons of Dexter.

I have never felt more lazy.

Then opportunity knocked, so I answered. I am now working at a dance store. It was very overwhelming at first with all the shoe types and brand names, but I believe I am starting to get the hang of it. This is my second week of training. Working everyday has been really nice, but do you want to hear better news?

I got on the substitute list at HEB! (thanks to my Aunt) unfortunately I won't be able to start until their next sub training in a month or so. But for now I work every other day at a fun, relaxed, yet sometimes stressful dance store : )

The Lord has blessed me.

Step One

2011-06-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I was fine with being alone.
A few months ago I was in a classroom of 2nd graders who adored me and I adored them.
A few months ago I didn't have a job.
A few months ago I was in college depending on my parents for my income.
A few months ago I was talking my sister out of going to Texas Tech.
A few months ago I was a different person.

Now, I have the desire to be loved by a man.
Now, I no longer see the adorable children I looked forward to teaching.
Now, I am a nanny to 3 beautiful children who wear me out.
Now, I have graduated and am making my own income.
Now, my sister will only be 5 hours away instead of 15.
Now, I want my relationship with Christ to mean more to me than the day before.

It seems crazy to me that the Lord can change my heart in such a short amount of time. He is continuously teaching me new things about myself. The past few sermons I have heard have been about finding what you are passionate about and letting Christ shine through them. God has given you the freedom to be creative, but it is what you do with those gifts that make the difference.

I have an entire list of things I am passionate about.
But the ONE true passion of mine is to be around children and listen to their stories. They have (for the most part) no fears. I long for that childlike faith.

I want to take the first step towards my Saviors plans for me.

"To know the Gospel & not share it with everyone is like having the cure for cancer & not telling the dying. It is a crime." Rick Warren

Nothing like a storm in your heart to wake you up

2011-04-16T22:31:00.000-07:00

The closer I get to GRADUATION the more multiple types of emotions flow through my body.
excited worried happy sad grateful scared loved stressed regret uncomfortable peace angry fearful cheerful

My faith is being tested more than ever. Bad news is brought to my attention on a daily basis. It is hard to keep smiling when friends are drowning in fear and sorrow.

My smile stays, because of my students. THEY are the ones who make all of this worth it. I consider what is best for them in every decision I make.

My faith remains rooted in my Savior.
He is my teacher and I choose to follow where He leads.

Curveball

2011-02-27T18:37:00.000-08:00

I need to learn to let go of the things I have no control over. I usually don't have so much stress kept up inside of me, but I feel like I am surrounded by people who do not understand what I am going through. My fellow student teachers have all passed the test. It has been one day, one long day and I am about to lose my mind. I took a nap today, not because I was tired (although that was part of it), but because I needed to turn off my mind and relax. I can't tell you the last time I relaxed.

I am writing this down, so I can get it off my chest. I feel like I am crashing down and I cannot stop it. I feel my God doing the best He can to comfort me and surround me with people who care. I will be forever grateful for that, but I still feel myself backing up into a corner.

I don't want to hear anymore about the economy and zero jobs for teachers. I just want to focus on one day at a time. I need to get passed tomorrow, because my students depend on me to bring all of my personality and joy to the classroom. That is when I feel they learn more, when I want to be there. Last week was rough and I know they could feel my lack of concentration. I don't want this week to be the same.

Lord, bring me new joy in the morning! Let your light shine down!

Unexpected Surprises

2011-02-02T15:00:00.000-08:00

My new 2nd graders are great!
No class will ever compare to my amazing 3rd graders, but I was spoiled with them.

In the first month they have tested me, hugged me, and apologized to me.

One little boy decided it would be OK to do the entire Thriller dance (including sing) during a math lesson.

I got on to another boy, because he was not listening and following directions. After school he ran up to me and decided to let me know that he did not want me to be mean and he is sorry for not listening. I continued to tell him that he has yet to see me mean...
The "Thriller Boy" convinced me that he had to go to the bathroom and it was an emergency (even though he asks to go every minute) I gave in and told him to hurry. He ran to the door, turned around and laughed an evil laugh as he ran out the door...never again will he go to the bathroom during my class.
"Thriller Boy's" birthday was this week.

me-"How old are you going to be?"
thriller boy-"8"
me-"wow, you're getting old!"
TB-"I don't wanna be old. Old people die."
me-"oh, well yeah. that is life."
TB-"my Grandma died."
me-"my Grandpa died a couple years ago."
TB-"HA! I win the Grandpa contest!!"
me-"well then I win the Grandma contest...?"
TB-confused/frustrated face
me-"we are even."
TB-"OK"

I never know what the day will bring, which makes me love teaching.

clear my mind and open my eyes

2010-12-12T21:29:00.000-08:00

I had misplaced an important piece of jewelry to me. I only discovered the lost necklace, because once again I am packing. My heart started to race and I got very flustered and hot. I paused to pray then immediately looked in every place I could think of. I ran to the bathroom drawer then to the closet where all my jewelry is stored. No sign of the necklace.

:::IMPORTANT INFORMATION:::

if you do not know me that well...I can't find things to save my LIFE! promise. NEVER ask me to look for something, because I will not find it. I could stare at it for a good minute and it will not click.

OK, back to the lost necklace.

I was trying really hard not to freak out. I kept thinking...
"it is just a worldly item."
"I don't need it."
"Oh, My, Gosh!"
"Grandpa gave this to me."
"I feel terrible."
"I'm super hot right now."
"Just breathe."
"Lord, where is it?"

I looked on top of the dresser in a little basket with random things. I FOUND THE NECKLACE...with the charm no where to be seen. My heart sank. That was the most important part. I started to panic again. Things went flying everywhere. I was on the verge of tears.

"Lord, please don't let this be happening right now. I know this is just material and it means nothing once I am in your presence, but Grandpa gave me this five years ago. I will be heartbroken if I truly lost it. Clear my head and open my eyes."

Maybe I will check my jewelry organizer again. As I searched the pockets for the SECOND time I found the beautiful rain drop shape charm. I just stared at it. "Thank you, Jesus!" I have felt the Holy Spirit quite a bit lately and it gives me chills when I realize that without His voice and guidance I would not be the person I am today.

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace." Acts 20:24

This year was full of surprises.

the good, bad, and the ugly

I wouldn't have perservered through any of them without my Maker there to encourage me the entire way.

My Strength Comes From My Maker

2010-10-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have those days where you don't know what is happening?
...You are so sleep deprived everything is funny?
...You want to eat everything in sight?
...You lose appreciation for the simple things?

I have been fighting these emotions the last couple of days. Luckily, I have not fallen into the trap. I stayed strong...except the "laugh at everything" part. I can't control that, even when I am sane.

I have been walking/jogging several times a week. This makes me feel better and gives me more energy to conquer the following days.

I am unoffcially an Aunt. This brings me joy and I cannot wait to hold her in my arms : )

I drink wayy more coffee than I ever have. Some days my body accepts it, others it rebels and gives me the shakes.

The Texas State Fair was a lot of fun. I tried like 20 different fried things. Delish. I also learned that I am too old to ride on the rides...

One thing that has popped up in my vision lately is how faithful, gracious, wonderful, amazing, and terrific my Savior is. He opened my eyes to things that I was blinded to, which made me appreciate Him more than ever. He brought me peace with my discovery, which made me fall in love with Him even more.

Trusting that He is leading me where He wants me to go, has become easier and easier with every step.

Bells are Ringing

2010-09-19T10:44:00.001-07:00

As I sit watching the Cowboys play Da Bears, memories rush into my mind from last year. Last year I was just a college student enjoying the game with several boys I had fun with. I want it to be last year again. I want it to go back to how I felt about those boys, the game, my life, and my emotions.

I am no longer a college student, so my director tells me. I am an intern who should have only one day out of the week to myself. All other days should be filled with work, writing lessons, grading papers, and thinking of something you could change about a paper.

Growing up is fun, but hard. I am enjoying everything I am doing during my internship and it has led me to the conclusion that I cannot wait to have my own classroom. At the same time it has created a distance between my heart and Denton. I miss the people who challenged me with my walk, who always put a smile on my face, and who were a blast to be around.

I am tired of being exhausted all the time. I sleep more than I should, yet at the same time I don't get enough sleep. It is such a weird equation.

[cowboys are on the 1 yard line!!]

I am so grateful that my best friend for life is getting married in 6 days. Not only because that is an exciting time in her life, but because I get to see people I haven't seen or talked to in a while. I am filled with joy to celebrate the uniting of two hearts with people that I love.

[cowboys scored! 14-10]

This post was to say congrats to Lauren and Taylor, hurray for partying with great friends, boo for growing up and leaving friends behind, and yay for new experiences.

Keep up the faith.

My Heart Pitter-Patters for You

2010-07-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

First Summer Sesh-check
Two A's in first summer sesh-check
Start second summer sesh and be overwhelmed-check

I went to the most amazing ranger game. It would have been their 12th in a row win..except they lost. It was amazing, because God is soo good. His creation speaks to me and it was yelling at me that night. It rained a little bit before the game and even some during it, which left the sky filled with a gorgeous sunset.

This was only half of the beauty we witnessed. The sky was all kinds of yellow and orange behind us. SOO beautiful! I am also obsessed with giant glowing moons.

It was wonderful. I was afraid the clouds would cover it, but nope. It looked onto us all night.

What truly made this night wonderful was the person I was with. I don't have a picture cuz he doesn't like pictures..this shall soon change. This boy has a huge heart and I am so excited to see where the Lord takes him. I don't know that much about him, but what I do know, I adore.

Getting close to someone makes me anxious. I never know what to do, but I continue to pray and I know that the Lord placed him in my life at this moment for a reason. I want to follow the Lord's guidance in every situation and ignore my flesh...not so easy.

LIBBY IS DRIVING!!! this would be OK if I didn't have car anxiety and she didn't do things like slam the brakes at a light that just turned yellow as we're about to roll through the intersection...

I saw this on a girls neck today and it brought me encouragement, so I will leave it with the one person who reads this :)

Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer.-Romans 12:12

I am putting on my big girl panties and dealing with it!

2010-06-18T14:57:00.000-07:00

I have a list--day zero project
I have completed some of them so far, which makes me really excited to start the hard things on my list, like ride a bike ;)

School is fairly easy this semester, which I expected. My health professor is crazyy nuts! But she makes the class interesting--sometimes.

The Lord is working hard on me these past couple of months. I feel Him in every move I make, but I somehow still try and push Him away. I don't mean to, it just happens. I need to get into a good habit of diving into the word.

Australia is still on my list of things to look into, but I think I got so overwhelmed that I thought it would be easier to not think about it. I need that motivation back. I need to stop thinking about where I will be when the time comes, because two months ago the Lord rocked my world with many changes and I need to go through with the things I felt Him say to me.

I really want to see my parents. Hopefully I will get to in a month :)

Don't excite love, don't stir it up, until the time is ripe—and you're ready. Song of Songs 2:7

be strong and take heart

2010-04-26T22:37:00.000-07:00

I went to Fry Street for the first time in my college career. I live on Fry St. Some would call this strange. I would call it smart.

Dear Jack,
Thank you for the drink. AND thank you for getting spit on, because that led to another free drink :)

I also saw an old friend. It is weird that I have walked by his work everyday for a year and probably drive by his house often, yet I run into him the ONE time I am out.

Thanks for a good night.

The next night we went to Pete's Piano bar. This place is a blast and I have every intention of taking LO for her bachelorette party! Get ready girrl! :)

I could have stayed there for hours. I am glad it was not crowded. I might have been fussy.

and a side note.
I love running through the rain.
no joke.

The Mavs need to win. period. no excuses. It is like Dallas has a curse on teams doing fantastic all year, but then playoffs come and they stink. Good thing basketball is best out of 7.

I have been struggling and I didn't ever know it until spending some much needed alone time with the Lord. I have so many things running through my mind. I cannot concentrate on one thing. I have a zillion projects due next week. I have a perfect planner, but I can never seem to follow it.

Writing Psalms in third person helped me realize a lot. Things that I already know, but things that are encouraging to hear every now and then.

"Wait for me, Lacey.
Be strong, courageous, bold, encouraged, loved, slow to speak, obedient.
Continue to wait for me, Lacey.
For I am coming soon."
Psalm 27:14

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

2010-04-17T21:24:00.000-07:00

Last week was full of mood swings. I was mostly blah on Sunday and part of Monday. I was doing a lot of thinking...more than I should. Mainly because I was sitting in a huge house all by myself trying to do homework, but always found myself looking for a movie on demand. I came across Revolutionary Road, which is super depressing.

It made me start thinking about marriage and how far (to my knowledge) I am from it.
Being a wife is part of me. I can feel it every time I find a new recipe, do a load of laundry, clean the apartment, and even snuggle in bed with a good book or movie. I want to share my life with another being. But not just some other person who happens to smile at me when I am having a weak moment.

He will be a man who sweeps me off my feet with subtle touches of my hand and slight glances from across the room. He will pursue me and then woo me in. He will love Jesus more than me. I will get lost in his eyes and intoxicated off of his smell. He will know who he is and stand firm in his decisions. I will fall in love with him more and more each day.
He will be a complete gentleman.

Forgive me. I just spent the past two days reading a pioneer woman's love story, which was perfect in every single way. It was real, which appealed to me most, because as much as I love a good cheesy love movie, I hate the message in portrays to woman..and I guess males. That is why I absolutely LOVE 500 days of summer! So real.

PW's love for this man was hesitant at first. She had her own life, problems and plans. The last thing she wanted was to be in love with a man after just getting out of (actually not completely done with that boy) a 4 year relationship. But this man was smooth and took the two weeks he knew they would have together and swept her off her feet. He said what he felt when he felt it. No games with this guy. How suave. The only thing I did not like about the story was that she called him her 'savior'. WRONG. They are tools into helping you discover what you were meant to do on this earth, while we glorify His name and wait for Jesus' return.

I have been overwhelmed with all the things I have not thought about with MOVING overseas. Dang. I need to start looking at everything instead of keeping my eyes on sitting by the beach and looking at beautiful Australian boys. I need a job, place to live, visa, bank account, money, a feel of how the government works, a feel of the people, and I need to graduate! Even though it is another year away, it is coming fast! And I have to contact some schools soon to see if they will be hiring next summer or fall...which will be like the 2nd or 3rd term already. Times like these I am thankful for my adventurous professor who seems to have taught everywhere, no joke!
This time in my life leaves me excited, nervous, and hesitant. I need to bathe this in prayer.
UGH! Look at this place. I want this so badly. I do not know why. I have never talked about living abroad, up until a couple of months ago. These feelings are new and I am still trying to process them and put it into words, because some people (cough*dad*cough) want to know what brought this desire on. All I can say is God. This sudden passion to spread the gospel out of my comfort zone scares me, but I feel that this is something that I need to experience.

2010 has been good to me.

January-1st friend wedding/first wedding to be involved
-visited Georgia for a good while cuz Dad lived to be 50!
-discovered I want to be a professional party thrower (Lo and Tay's engagement party)
-Jessica's pregnant! :)

February-Rodeo(as always)
-applied for PDS @ Grapevine-Colleyville school district
-realized that I want to teach abroad.

March-Road trip to Houston to see the Jonas Brothers!
-First level at the Mavs game!
-22nd birthday!
-Puerto Vallarta with Nana! (road in taxi by myself)
-Cousin Jackson was born :)

April-best cousin photo shoot, ever
-mom and libby came to visit
- I got accepted into the GCISD cadre
-one year anniversary of my dear grandpa's death.

through all of this, I have fallen more in love with the Lord. I have found joy in His presence. I strive to glorify God in all that I do.

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ."
Philippians 1:27

"..Walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God." Colossions 1:10

Sydney, Australia

2010-04-11T15:32:00.000-07:00

So, this is where I want to teach when I graduate next May. Sweet, huh?? I am still doing a lot of research and I have doubts, but I am super excited to discover where the Lord is leading me! They speak English, though different, I will understand them better than if I went to Japan. It is a BEAUTIFUL setting that Lord created. I want to bring glory to God, and I have such a peace with this decision.

please pray that this will work out :)

God's Unfailing Love

2010-03-02T13:11:00.000-08:00

I would do almost anything to put off homework...

The bachelor, Jake, lives in the same community my grandmother does. In my opinion, the show is a bunch of bull and the worlds view at love sucks. Media has skewed love into being something that is perfect. An emotion that will never go through ups and downs. The only love that is perfect is God's love. That is the only perfection we will ever feel, yet we seem to always doubt Him. As humans, if we can doubt our creator, Father, lover, and friend...then what makes us think that another human is perfect and the love they supply is perfect? People will let you down. They will make mistakes. BUT they will only hurt you if you believe they are not capable of hurting you. If you put them on a pedestal, then they will break your heart, because they have to come down eventually.

May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance. -2 Thessalonians 3:5

Know therefore that the Lord your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands. -Deuteronomy 7:9

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. -1 Chronicles 16:34

All my intimate friends detest me; those I love have turned against me. -Job 19:19
((people will let you down, turn to the Lord))

I could seriously go on a very long time quoting scripture about God's amazing love. But I believe this sermon does it a lot better than I can. If you have time listen to God's word.

http://itunes.apple.com/podcast/the-village-church-sermon/id82014403
((scroll down to 10/25/09 which is about love in marriage OR 2/28/10 which is about feeling accepted))

OHH EMOTIONSS!

2010-02-17T21:08:00.000-08:00

I must get everything out on here, before I explode and say mean things that I will regret later. I have been in this place of the unknown for so long and every time I feel like I have escaped I get sucked right back in. The Lord is funny and I believe all this is happening so I will turn to Him and continue to have faith that He will provide. I don't even know my own feelings. I would love to say that I understand my heart, but I really don't want to. Jeremiah 17:9 states "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out." I don't want to follow my heart. My heart will lead me astray. I want to follow God and His plan for my life. This journey of figuring that out is getting old and I just want answers. I feel that I have been waiting patiently and that my time is here. It is my turn to be happy. The verse after continues to say "But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." WOW. Fall on my knees is awe of my King. He knows my desires, but maybe what I want is not what is going to bring Glory to Him. After all, that is why I am here. The past 7 months have shown me a lot about my faith in Him. I would pray constantly for a certain thing. That He would take this boy out of my life completely, because I did not want to like him. Well, God had other plans. This boy is a good friend of mine. I still pray that prayer though, but instead of taking him out of my life, I pray for this boys heart. That the Lord would tug on it and that he would be transformed. The state of the unknown comes into play here. I know nothing about how he feels...nothing. I am scared. I am scared to take that next step and put my heart on that line. Everyone keeps telling me their two cents, but in the end it is up to the Lord and what He wants. I believe I am doing what I am supposed to be. waiting. waiting. smiling. waiting. crying. waiting. waiting.

IN OTHER LACEY NEWS:
be in prayer that I research the opportunities the Lord wants me to take.

Freedom in the Lord

2009-11-30T21:17:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe that this semester only has 3 weeks left. 3 horrific weeks ahead of me.

The Lord has been doing wonders to my heart over the past couple of months. I am continuing to grow in His word. I have been studying different people in the Old Testament and I have loved all of them, because they help me realize that I can mess up and make mistakes, but God still loves me and He still uses me to glorify His name. It also helped realize that God is not here to make me feel comfortable. He is not here to make life easy. His purpose is to spread His name throughout the world and He is going to use me to do that.

I haven't really been praying about doing missions over seas, because I think I am scared. I am scared, because I know what the answer will be. Following God is never going to be easy and it takes courage. Right now I am praying for courage. The Lord told my mom along time ago that I was supposed to go. But figuring it out on my own is the difficult part. Everything has always been spoon fed to me and this past year I have grown up and I have dug deep into the word. I have discovered new and exciting things through following God's Will. I pray for faith. True faith.

Abraham took up everything and left his home. 12 verses in Hebrews 11 was dedicated to Abraham's faith. He made mistakes on his journey, but the Lord still fulfilled His promise.

I want to surrender everything. Nothing I have is mine. Why is it so hard to let go of something that is not even mine to begin with?

waiting.

2009-09-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

Summer has ended and school has slowly taken over my life. I expected this, so no surprises were made in that area.
BUT several things have crept into my life that I love or hate.

The first surprise of fall 09 is work. I got a job. I love my job. I don't work a lot and the hours I do work are flexible. My boss is an amazing woman. I help sort t-shirts, hot press t-shirts and maybe one day I will print t-shirts, but for now I do what is needed. I have only worked one day, but I can tell that this will be something I will enjoy doing for a while.

The second surprise is how amazing it feels to actually be living on my own. I love it. I love my roommates and everything that we have put into this place. I love walking to class. Those morning and afternoon walks bring me closer to the Lord everyday.

And the final surprise is something from far right field. I NEVER saw this coming this soon. I think I wanted it to happen, but now that it has it freaks me out. I am so terrified that I am misunderstanding what the Lord is telling me. My prayer about a thousand times a day is that the Lord protects my heart and that my heart is also open to different opportunities involving this person. I prayed that the Lord kept him away from me if nothing is to come from this. BUT the Lord said His power is greater and put this particular person e v e r y w h e r e . literally, every event I went to he was there. So, I know that the Lord put this person in my life for a reason, and figuring it out right now is not so fun when a ball of emotion is scrambling inside of me wanting to explode.

Lord, give me the patience to wait.

True Love

2009-05-20T20:00:00.000-07:00

a lot has happened in the past 3 months.

the first big thing that happened was my birthday. I turned the big 21. it was an amazing day and it got better when my family flew in to surprise me! :)

I need to release emotions, so here it goes.

my grandpa passed away april 17th. it was a shock to everyone. when i was younger i would think about how i would feel when someone i loved would leave me and i would get more upset with certain loved ones. i wasn't extremely close to my grandpa when i was younger, so i never imagined the amount of pain i would feel. but, i had an amazing opportunity to live with my grandparents for the past 18 months and it has been one of the best things for me. my grandpa welcomed me into his home with open arms. he kept me on track and focused in school. i learned so much about him and his experiences in life. he was an amazing man whose life was cut short, but who are we to tell God who to take? (Job 12:9) if my grandpa would tell you a story about himself, it was only to teach you a lesson. he loved history and he would gladly tell you everything he knew about every subject.

my grandpa was an amazing man of God.
pray for my nana.

I am now in Georgia spending time with my beautiful family and my wonderful best friend. we are counting down the days til we board our cruise ship (3 days)

I am on fire for my King.

2009-02-16T22:14:00.001-08:00

I am so in LOVE with my Lord. He is wonderful. He has changed my heart. He brought restoration to my soul. I am better because of HIM. I live for HIM. He took my pain. He took my shame and in it's place HE gave me JOY!!!

HE takes my mourning and turns it into dancing.
HE takes weeping and turns it into laughing.
He takes my sadness and turns it into joy.

oh, how grateful I am that HE loves me everyday. He is patient and persistent with me.

He calls me by name!(john 10:3)

"Jesus ALWAYS knocks before entering. He doesn't have to. He owns your heart. If anyone has the right to barge in, Christ does. But He doesn't. That gentle tap you hear? It's Christ. ((Behold, I stand at the door and knock)REV 3:20) And when you answer, He awaits your invitation to cross the threshold."
max lucado-a love worth giving

loving grandparents

2009-02-01T21:54:00.000-08:00

living with both my dad's parents and my mom's parents at one point really makes me giggle. most of us see our grandparents as people who gives us cookies and hugs. we don't get to see them that often so they don't get on our nerves. we love them because they love us. living with them will change your perspective, at least mine did. i didn't realize that they were real people with issues like everyone else. they get in pointless arguments like every other married couple. i love all of them deeply and i have learned so much from all of them. i knew nothing about them before, now i think i know more than i would ever want to know :)

my grandpa (mom's stepdad) is a nerd. a big one. it's not bad at all. if you ask him ANYTHING he will tell you every little detail he knows about the situation. no doubt. he is brilliant. he was in the marines. he was a very successful business man. now he is retired and sits at home controlling what my nana eats. we call him the food nazi. he tends to obsess over calories. i love him a lot and he teaches me more than i would ever care to learn about any given topic.

my nana (mom's mom) is a hoot. she is one of my favorite people. i can be sarcastic and honest with her and she snaps right back. she knows how sassy i can be and handles it well. she loves me more than i will ever know. she has so much pop culture knowledge stored in her brain it's crazy. never play ANY board game with her. you WILL lose. she would talk to the wall if it talked back. i can picture her being a greeter at walmart, but an overly nice one. one that would chase after you if you didn't acknowledge her. she complains a lot, but that's cuz she's in a lot of pain. she needs a knee replacement and has already had a hip replacement. i tend to ignore her ooos and ughs, but some days are worse than others. if given the choice she would have someone waiting on her all the time. ((who wouldn't want that???))

my pappap (dad's dad) is a real badass. totally. he is basically the best person to get advise from. he was there for me when i was broken. he helped put me back together. i admire his strength. he hasn't smoked in two years after like more than 50 years of smoking. amazing. he sits on his back porch with a glass of wine and shoots the rats that run across the fence. badass. he can never hear me, but he listens so hard. i never know if he is serious or just kidding. i get in trouble sometimes when i think he is kidding when he is really serious. my father is just like him.

my grammy (dad's mom) is nosey, but in a good way. she always has to know everything about everyone. she'll ask me a thousand questions before i leave the house to go out with a friend, but i know it's cuz she cares. she complains too, because her hips are real bad. i know she is tired of not being able to move like she used too. i feel bad for her cuz they can't seem to help her. hopefully her surgery on FEB 13th will cure the pain. she loves me enough to bribe me with food such as steak and goolash to keep me at her house one more day. she says she loves it when i come visit or stay for the summer, but i really don't see how. i take over the middle bedroom, which is where her closet is. i try to keep it clean, but it's hard when i don't have a place to put things. she makes me laugh a lot, because she isn't always all the way there. i love her.

both sets of my grandparents have the same arguments and it makes me giggle. i know that can be worse on the situation, but i cant help it. it always starts with the guy not being able to hear their wife. they talk in circles and it takes them 10 minutes to figure out what they were trying to say. they love it when i am there (most of the time) to sort things out for them. they are humorous.

love is hard

2009-01-25T21:35:00.000-08:00

I was listening to James Morrison's song Love is Hard on the way home from an amazing bible study session tonight. It made me think about how much Jesus loves me, ALWAYS. I am so blessed to know that He loves me in my darkest times. Things of the world will fail me, but His love endures forever! IT gives me chills to feel His love. The song explains the pain that you go through by falling in love and that love mean giving someone the powere to hurt you again and again. How true that is. Giving someone our heart is a scary thing. It truly belongs to the Lord and I believe if your heart is in the right place with Him then everything is possible. If your relationships foundation is built on Christ then it will last. LOVE IS HARD. Jesus loves us and He longs for us to have a relationship with Him. He is the ultimate lover of our souls.

I see lovers in the streets walking,
Without a care.
They're wearing out loud
Like there's something in the air
Oooooh, and I don't care

They're treading lightly
No they, don't sink in
There's no tracks to follow
They don't care where they're going
Hmm

And if they're lucky and they'll,
They'll get to see and if they're
Really really lucky they'll
Get to feel...

And it kicks so hard,
It breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
It hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
Makes your blood flow.
It's beter that you know,
That love is hard.

Love takes hostages,
Gives them pain.
Gives someone the power to
Hurt you again and again
Oooh, but they don't care

And if they're lucky and they'll,
They'll get to see and if they're
Really really lucky they'll
They'll get to feel.
And if they're, they're truely blessed
And they're get to believe
And if you're dammed, you'll never
Let youreself be diseased.

And it kicks so hard,
It breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
It hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
And makes your blood flow.
It's beter that we know,
That love is hard...

Love is hard, love is hard.

If it was easy,
It wouldn't mean nothing tough.

Go show love.

trust

2009-01-12T22:48:00.000-08:00

this break God has done some major work on my heart and I loved every minute of it!

For some reason it is so hard to put my complete trust in the Lord and I can't understand it. So this break I was thinking about the things I put my trust in daily. such as...my car starting, hot water in the shower, my computer to work, food in the kitchen...worldly things. I then realized that every time one of those things lets me down i get mad. the Lord will NEVER let me down, yet I don't put my complete trust in him all the time. I constantly have to remind myself that He has me in His hand and I am fine. I let God down everyday when I turn my back, yet He always welcomes me back with loving arms when i repent, even when I don't think that I deserve it.

"I will never leave you nor forsake you" Joshua 1:5

looking back on 2008

2009-01-03T13:34:00.001-08:00

so i was thinking about the things i went through and everything i learned in 08. let's review...

i moved back to texas thinking that things would be the same. some were, some were not. i lost a best friend to save my faith and hers. it was one of the hardest things i have ever done. we are friends again, but more cautious. i wouldn't change any of our memories and heartbreak for anything. i didn't fail any classes. i studied more than i have my entire life, which paid off. i started living with my nana and grandpa. it's wonderful. i have learned so much living with both sets of grandparents. i truly know that i am blessed. i went to disney world, people are crazy. when it's hot and not everyone speaks the same language, people get nuts. it truly is the most wonderful place on earth :) i got my first A's in college. i fell in love with a boy who turned out to be the opposite of who i thought he was. it's hard to think of someone you knew so well for so long turn out to be a crazy person. i thought it would at least go back to how we were before, best friends. but no. he has too much pride. so i guess you can say i lost two best friends in 08. but i did gain one. the best one. she was there for me through everything, even though she didn't have to be. i attended one wedding and no funerals. i cried more times than i can count and laughed even more. I found Christ again. oh how magnificent that is. how joyful i have been since the renewal of my spirit. If i had to go through all of that just to be the person i am today, then i would go through all of it again.

so thank you. to the people who have been there and who haven't. I love ya'll cuz God put you in my life to save me. May God put someone in your life to save you.

it's now or never

2009-01-02T22:38:00.000-08:00

okk, so here i go.

New Years Resolutions

start writing down/blogging at least once a week.
pray without hesitation/all the time. lean not on my own understanding.
lose another twenty lbs by summer by eating better and exercising more.
always be reading a book. read the Bible everyday.
not be quick to anger/over think the little things.

so, that's what i have right now. as i am typing i am eating peanut butter m&ms, which are my downfall. I don't think that the writing thing will be too difficult, but it will still need discipline. I haven't been praying as much as i used to. that makes me sad. eating better shouldn't be a problem since my grandparents are going on a diet so i have to eat what they eat. exercising should be more than normal since lauren will be here. sometimes i would much rather watch tv than read a book, but i have several new books that i think i will enjoy. and not being angry goes back to prayer.

It's a new year full of adventure, surprises, love, laughter, tears, and heartbreak.
i am so ready.