I must get everything out on here, before I explode and say mean things that I will regret later. I have been in this place of the unknown for so long and every time I feel like I have escaped I get sucked right back in. The Lord is funny and I believe all this is happening so I will turn to Him and continue to have faith that He will provide. I don't even know my own feelings. I would love to say that I understand my heart, but I really don't want to. Jeremiah 17:9 states "The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful, a puzzle that no one can figure out." I don't want to follow my heart. My heart will lead me astray. I want to follow God and His plan for my life. This journey of figuring that out is getting old and I just want answers. I feel that I have been waiting patiently and that my time is here. It is my turn to be happy. The verse after continues to say "But I, God, search the heart and examine the mind. I get to the heart of the human. I get to the root of things. I treat them as they really are, not as they pretend to be." WOW. Fall on my knees is awe of my King. He knows my desires, but maybe what I want is not what is going to bring Glory to Him. After all, that is why I am here. The past 7 months have shown me a lot about my faith in Him. I would pray constantly for a certain thing. That He would take this boy out of my life completely, because I did not want to like him. Well, God had other plans. This boy is a good friend of mine. I still pray that prayer though, but instead of taking him out of my life, I pray for this boys heart. That the Lord would tug on it and that he would be transformed. The state of the unknown comes into play here. I know nothing about how he feels...nothing. I am scared. I am scared to take that next step and put my heart on that line. Everyone keeps telling me their two cents, but in the end it is up to the Lord and what He wants. I believe I am doing what I am supposed to be. waiting. waiting. smiling. waiting. crying. waiting. waiting.
IN OTHER LACEY NEWS:
be in prayer that I research the opportunities the Lord wants me to take.
