I cannot believe that this semester only has 3 weeks left. 3 horrific weeks ahead of me.
The Lord has been doing wonders to my heart over the past couple of months. I am continuing to grow in His word. I have been studying different people in the Old Testament and I have loved all of them, because they help me realize that I can mess up and make mistakes, but God still loves me and He still uses me to glorify His name. It also helped realize that God is not here to make me feel comfortable. He is not here to make life easy. His purpose is to spread His name throughout the world and He is going to use me to do that.
I haven't really been praying about doing missions over seas, because I think I am scared. I am scared, because I know what the answer will be. Following God is never going to be easy and it takes courage. Right now I am praying for courage. The Lord told my mom along time ago that I was supposed to go. But figuring it out on my own is the difficult part. Everything has always been spoon fed to me and this past year I have grown up and I have dug deep into the word. I have discovered new and exciting things through following God's Will. I pray for faith. True faith.
Abraham took up everything and left his home. 12 verses in Hebrews 11 was dedicated to Abraham's faith. He made mistakes on his journey, but the Lord still fulfilled His promise.
I want to surrender everything. Nothing I have is mine. Why is it so hard to let go of something that is not even mine to begin with?
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
waiting.
Summer has ended and school has slowly taken over my life. I expected this, so no surprises were made in that area.
BUT several things have crept into my life that I love or hate.
The first surprise of fall 09 is work. I got a job. I love my job. I don't work a lot and the hours I do work are flexible. My boss is an amazing woman. I help sort t-shirts, hot press t-shirts and maybe one day I will print t-shirts, but for now I do what is needed. I have only worked one day, but I can tell that this will be something I will enjoy doing for a while.
The second surprise is how amazing it feels to actually be living on my own. I love it. I love my roommates and everything that we have put into this place. I love walking to class. Those morning and afternoon walks bring me closer to the Lord everyday.
And the final surprise is something from far right field. I NEVER saw this coming this soon. I think I wanted it to happen, but now that it has it freaks me out. I am so terrified that I am misunderstanding what the Lord is telling me. My prayer about a thousand times a day is that the Lord protects my heart and that my heart is also open to different opportunities involving this person. I prayed that the Lord kept him away from me if nothing is to come from this. BUT the Lord said His power is greater and put this particular person e v e r y w h e r e . literally, every event I went to he was there. So, I know that the Lord put this person in my life for a reason, and figuring it out right now is not so fun when a ball of emotion is scrambling inside of me wanting to explode.
Lord, give me the patience to wait.
BUT several things have crept into my life that I love or hate.
The first surprise of fall 09 is work. I got a job. I love my job. I don't work a lot and the hours I do work are flexible. My boss is an amazing woman. I help sort t-shirts, hot press t-shirts and maybe one day I will print t-shirts, but for now I do what is needed. I have only worked one day, but I can tell that this will be something I will enjoy doing for a while.
The second surprise is how amazing it feels to actually be living on my own. I love it. I love my roommates and everything that we have put into this place. I love walking to class. Those morning and afternoon walks bring me closer to the Lord everyday.
And the final surprise is something from far right field. I NEVER saw this coming this soon. I think I wanted it to happen, but now that it has it freaks me out. I am so terrified that I am misunderstanding what the Lord is telling me. My prayer about a thousand times a day is that the Lord protects my heart and that my heart is also open to different opportunities involving this person. I prayed that the Lord kept him away from me if nothing is to come from this. BUT the Lord said His power is greater and put this particular person e v e r y w h e r e . literally, every event I went to he was there. So, I know that the Lord put this person in my life for a reason, and figuring it out right now is not so fun when a ball of emotion is scrambling inside of me wanting to explode.
Lord, give me the patience to wait.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
True Love
a lot has happened in the past 3 months.
the first big thing that happened was my birthday. I turned the big 21. it was an amazing day and it got better when my family flew in to surprise me! :)
I need to release emotions, so here it goes.
my grandpa passed away april 17th. it was a shock to everyone. when i was younger i would think about how i would feel when someone i loved would leave me and i would get more upset with certain loved ones. i wasn't extremely close to my grandpa when i was younger, so i never imagined the amount of pain i would feel. but, i had an amazing opportunity to live with my grandparents for the past 18 months and it has been one of the best things for me. my grandpa welcomed me into his home with open arms. he kept me on track and focused in school. i learned so much about him and his experiences in life. he was an amazing man whose life was cut short, but who are we to tell God who to take? (Job 12:9) if my grandpa would tell you a story about himself, it was only to teach you a lesson. he loved history and he would gladly tell you everything he knew about every subject.
my grandpa was an amazing man of God.
pray for my nana.
I am now in Georgia spending time with my beautiful family and my wonderful best friend. we are counting down the days til we board our cruise ship (3 days)
the first big thing that happened was my birthday. I turned the big 21. it was an amazing day and it got better when my family flew in to surprise me! :)
I need to release emotions, so here it goes.
my grandpa passed away april 17th. it was a shock to everyone. when i was younger i would think about how i would feel when someone i loved would leave me and i would get more upset with certain loved ones. i wasn't extremely close to my grandpa when i was younger, so i never imagined the amount of pain i would feel. but, i had an amazing opportunity to live with my grandparents for the past 18 months and it has been one of the best things for me. my grandpa welcomed me into his home with open arms. he kept me on track and focused in school. i learned so much about him and his experiences in life. he was an amazing man whose life was cut short, but who are we to tell God who to take? (Job 12:9) if my grandpa would tell you a story about himself, it was only to teach you a lesson. he loved history and he would gladly tell you everything he knew about every subject.
my grandpa was an amazing man of God.
pray for my nana.
I am now in Georgia spending time with my beautiful family and my wonderful best friend. we are counting down the days til we board our cruise ship (3 days)
Monday, February 16, 2009
I am on fire for my King.
I am so in LOVE with my Lord. He is wonderful. He has changed my heart. He brought restoration to my soul. I am better because of HIM. I live for HIM. He took my pain. He took my shame and in it's place HE gave me JOY!!!
HE takes my mourning and turns it into dancing.
HE takes weeping and turns it into laughing.
He takes my sadness and turns it into joy.
oh, how grateful I am that HE loves me everyday. He is patient and persistent with me.
He calls me by name!(john 10:3)
"Jesus ALWAYS knocks before entering. He doesn't have to. He owns your heart. If anyone has the right to barge in, Christ does. But He doesn't. That gentle tap you hear? It's Christ. ((Behold, I stand at the door and knock)REV 3:20) And when you answer, He awaits your invitation to cross the threshold."
max lucado-a love worth giving
Sunday, February 1, 2009
loving grandparents
living with both my dad's parents and my mom's parents at one point really makes me giggle. most of us see our grandparents as people who gives us cookies and hugs. we don't get to see them that often so they don't get on our nerves. we love them because they love us. living with them will change your perspective, at least mine did. i didn't realize that they were real people with issues like everyone else. they get in pointless arguments like every other married couple. i love all of them deeply and i have learned so much from all of them. i knew nothing about them before, now i think i know more than i would ever want to know :)
my grandpa (mom's stepdad) is a nerd. a big one. it's not bad at all. if you ask him ANYTHING he will tell you every little detail he knows about the situation. no doubt. he is brilliant. he was in the marines. he was a very successful business man. now he is retired and sits at home controlling what my nana eats. we call him the food nazi. he tends to obsess over calories. i love him a lot and he teaches me more than i would ever care to learn about any given topic.
my nana (mom's mom) is a hoot. she is one of my favorite people. i can be sarcastic and honest with her and she snaps right back. she knows how sassy i can be and handles it well. she loves me more than i will ever know. she has so much pop culture knowledge stored in her brain it's crazy. never play ANY board game with her. you WILL lose. she would talk to the wall if it talked back. i can picture her being a greeter at walmart, but an overly nice one. one that would chase after you if you didn't acknowledge her. she complains a lot, but that's cuz she's in a lot of pain. she needs a knee replacement and has already had a hip replacement. i tend to ignore her ooos and ughs, but some days are worse than others. if given the choice she would have someone waiting on her all the time. ((who wouldn't want that???))
my pappap (dad's dad) is a real badass. totally. he is basically the best person to get advise from. he was there for me when i was broken. he helped put me back together. i admire his strength. he hasn't smoked in two years after like more than 50 years of smoking. amazing. he sits on his back porch with a glass of wine and shoots the rats that run across the fence. badass. he can never hear me, but he listens so hard. i never know if he is serious or just kidding. i get in trouble sometimes when i think he is kidding when he is really serious. my father is just like him.
my grammy (dad's mom) is nosey, but in a good way. she always has to know everything about everyone. she'll ask me a thousand questions before i leave the house to go out with a friend, but i know it's cuz she cares. she complains too, because her hips are real bad. i know she is tired of not being able to move like she used too. i feel bad for her cuz they can't seem to help her. hopefully her surgery on FEB 13th will cure the pain. she loves me enough to bribe me with food such as steak and goolash to keep me at her house one more day. she says she loves it when i come visit or stay for the summer, but i really don't see how. i take over the middle bedroom, which is where her closet is. i try to keep it clean, but it's hard when i don't have a place to put things. she makes me laugh a lot, because she isn't always all the way there. i love her.
both sets of my grandparents have the same arguments and it makes me giggle. i know that can be worse on the situation, but i cant help it. it always starts with the guy not being able to hear their wife. they talk in circles and it takes them 10 minutes to figure out what they were trying to say. they love it when i am there (most of the time) to sort things out for them. they are humorous.
my grandpa (mom's stepdad) is a nerd. a big one. it's not bad at all. if you ask him ANYTHING he will tell you every little detail he knows about the situation. no doubt. he is brilliant. he was in the marines. he was a very successful business man. now he is retired and sits at home controlling what my nana eats. we call him the food nazi. he tends to obsess over calories. i love him a lot and he teaches me more than i would ever care to learn about any given topic.
my nana (mom's mom) is a hoot. she is one of my favorite people. i can be sarcastic and honest with her and she snaps right back. she knows how sassy i can be and handles it well. she loves me more than i will ever know. she has so much pop culture knowledge stored in her brain it's crazy. never play ANY board game with her. you WILL lose. she would talk to the wall if it talked back. i can picture her being a greeter at walmart, but an overly nice one. one that would chase after you if you didn't acknowledge her. she complains a lot, but that's cuz she's in a lot of pain. she needs a knee replacement and has already had a hip replacement. i tend to ignore her ooos and ughs, but some days are worse than others. if given the choice she would have someone waiting on her all the time. ((who wouldn't want that???))
my pappap (dad's dad) is a real badass. totally. he is basically the best person to get advise from. he was there for me when i was broken. he helped put me back together. i admire his strength. he hasn't smoked in two years after like more than 50 years of smoking. amazing. he sits on his back porch with a glass of wine and shoots the rats that run across the fence. badass. he can never hear me, but he listens so hard. i never know if he is serious or just kidding. i get in trouble sometimes when i think he is kidding when he is really serious. my father is just like him.
my grammy (dad's mom) is nosey, but in a good way. she always has to know everything about everyone. she'll ask me a thousand questions before i leave the house to go out with a friend, but i know it's cuz she cares. she complains too, because her hips are real bad. i know she is tired of not being able to move like she used too. i feel bad for her cuz they can't seem to help her. hopefully her surgery on FEB 13th will cure the pain. she loves me enough to bribe me with food such as steak and goolash to keep me at her house one more day. she says she loves it when i come visit or stay for the summer, but i really don't see how. i take over the middle bedroom, which is where her closet is. i try to keep it clean, but it's hard when i don't have a place to put things. she makes me laugh a lot, because she isn't always all the way there. i love her.
both sets of my grandparents have the same arguments and it makes me giggle. i know that can be worse on the situation, but i cant help it. it always starts with the guy not being able to hear their wife. they talk in circles and it takes them 10 minutes to figure out what they were trying to say. they love it when i am there (most of the time) to sort things out for them. they are humorous.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
love is hard
I was listening to James Morrison's song Love is Hard on the way home from an amazing bible study session tonight. It made me think about how much Jesus loves me, ALWAYS. I am so blessed to know that He loves me in my darkest times. Things of the world will fail me, but His love endures forever! IT gives me chills to feel His love. The song explains the pain that you go through by falling in love and that love mean giving someone the powere to hurt you again and again. How true that is. Giving someone our heart is a scary thing. It truly belongs to the Lord and I believe if your heart is in the right place with Him then everything is possible. If your relationships foundation is built on Christ then it will last. LOVE IS HARD. Jesus loves us and He longs for us to have a relationship with Him. He is the ultimate lover of our souls.
Go show love.
I see lovers in the streets walking,
Without a care.
They're wearing out loud
Like there's something in the air
Oooooh, and I don't care
They're treading lightly
No they, don't sink in
There's no tracks to follow
They don't care where they're going
Hmm
And if they're lucky and they'll,
They'll get to see and if they're
Really really lucky they'll
Get to feel...
And it kicks so hard,
It breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
It hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
Makes your blood flow.
It's beter that you know,
That love is hard.
Love takes hostages,
Gives them pain.
Gives someone the power to
Hurt you again and again
Oooh, but they don't care
And if they're lucky and they'll,
They'll get to see and if they're
Really really lucky they'll
They'll get to feel.
And if they're, they're truely blessed
And they're get to believe
And if you're dammed, you'll never
Let youreself be diseased.
And it kicks so hard,
It breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
It hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
And makes your blood flow.
It's beter that we know,
That love is hard...
Love is hard, love is hard.
If it was easy,
It wouldn't mean nothing tough.
Without a care.
They're wearing out loud
Like there's something in the air
Oooooh, and I don't care
They're treading lightly
No they, don't sink in
There's no tracks to follow
They don't care where they're going
Hmm
And if they're lucky and they'll,
They'll get to see and if they're
Really really lucky they'll
Get to feel...
And it kicks so hard,
It breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
It hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
Makes your blood flow.
It's beter that you know,
That love is hard.
Love takes hostages,
Gives them pain.
Gives someone the power to
Hurt you again and again
Oooh, but they don't care
And if they're lucky and they'll,
They'll get to see and if they're
Really really lucky they'll
They'll get to feel.
And if they're, they're truely blessed
And they're get to believe
And if you're dammed, you'll never
Let youreself be diseased.
And it kicks so hard,
It breaks your bones.
Cuts so deep
It hits your soul.
Tears your skin and
And makes your blood flow.
It's beter that we know,
That love is hard...
Love is hard, love is hard.
If it was easy,
It wouldn't mean nothing tough.
Go show love.
Monday, January 12, 2009
trust
this break God has done some major work on my heart and I loved every minute of it!
For some reason it is so hard to put my complete trust in the Lord and I can't understand it. So this break I was thinking about the things I put my trust in daily. such as...my car starting, hot water in the shower, my computer to work, food in the kitchen...worldly things. I then realized that every time one of those things lets me down i get mad. the Lord will NEVER let me down, yet I don't put my complete trust in him all the time. I constantly have to remind myself that He has me in His hand and I am fine. I let God down everyday when I turn my back, yet He always welcomes me back with loving arms when i repent, even when I don't think that I deserve it.
"I will never leave you nor forsake you" Joshua 1:5
For some reason it is so hard to put my complete trust in the Lord and I can't understand it. So this break I was thinking about the things I put my trust in daily. such as...my car starting, hot water in the shower, my computer to work, food in the kitchen...worldly things. I then realized that every time one of those things lets me down i get mad. the Lord will NEVER let me down, yet I don't put my complete trust in him all the time. I constantly have to remind myself that He has me in His hand and I am fine. I let God down everyday when I turn my back, yet He always welcomes me back with loving arms when i repent, even when I don't think that I deserve it.
"I will never leave you nor forsake you" Joshua 1:5
Saturday, January 3, 2009
looking back on 2008
so i was thinking about the things i went through and everything i learned in 08. let's review...
i moved back to texas thinking that things would be the same. some were, some were not. i lost a best friend to save my faith and hers. it was one of the hardest things i have ever done. we are friends again, but more cautious. i wouldn't change any of our memories and heartbreak for anything. i didn't fail any classes. i studied more than i have my entire life, which paid off. i started living with my nana and grandpa. it's wonderful. i have learned so much living with both sets of grandparents. i truly know that i am blessed. i went to disney world, people are crazy. when it's hot and not everyone speaks the same language, people get nuts. it truly is the most wonderful place on earth :) i got my first A's in college. i fell in love with a boy who turned out to be the opposite of who i thought he was. it's hard to think of someone you knew so well for so long turn out to be a crazy person. i thought it would at least go back to how we were before, best friends. but no. he has too much pride. so i guess you can say i lost two best friends in 08. but i did gain one. the best one. she was there for me through everything, even though she didn't have to be. i attended one wedding and no funerals. i cried more times than i can count and laughed even more. I found Christ again. oh how magnificent that is. how joyful i have been since the renewal of my spirit. If i had to go through all of that just to be the person i am today, then i would go through all of it again.
so thank you. to the people who have been there and who haven't. I love ya'll cuz God put you in my life to save me. May God put someone in your life to save you.
i moved back to texas thinking that things would be the same. some were, some were not. i lost a best friend to save my faith and hers. it was one of the hardest things i have ever done. we are friends again, but more cautious. i wouldn't change any of our memories and heartbreak for anything. i didn't fail any classes. i studied more than i have my entire life, which paid off. i started living with my nana and grandpa. it's wonderful. i have learned so much living with both sets of grandparents. i truly know that i am blessed. i went to disney world, people are crazy. when it's hot and not everyone speaks the same language, people get nuts. it truly is the most wonderful place on earth :) i got my first A's in college. i fell in love with a boy who turned out to be the opposite of who i thought he was. it's hard to think of someone you knew so well for so long turn out to be a crazy person. i thought it would at least go back to how we were before, best friends. but no. he has too much pride. so i guess you can say i lost two best friends in 08. but i did gain one. the best one. she was there for me through everything, even though she didn't have to be. i attended one wedding and no funerals. i cried more times than i can count and laughed even more. I found Christ again. oh how magnificent that is. how joyful i have been since the renewal of my spirit. If i had to go through all of that just to be the person i am today, then i would go through all of it again.
so thank you. to the people who have been there and who haven't. I love ya'll cuz God put you in my life to save me. May God put someone in your life to save you.
Friday, January 2, 2009
it's now or never
okk, so here i go.
New Years Resolutions
It's a new year full of adventure, surprises, love, laughter, tears, and heartbreak.
i am so ready.
New Years Resolutions
- start writing down/blogging at least once a week.
- pray without hesitation/all the time. lean not on my own understanding.
- lose another twenty lbs by summer by eating better and exercising more.
- always be reading a book. read the Bible everyday.
- not be quick to anger/over think the little things.
It's a new year full of adventure, surprises, love, laughter, tears, and heartbreak.
i am so ready.
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